Friday, January 1, 2016

The Plan

Wait... should I have a plan?

Here are the changes I am making....

I refuse to call it exercise because that is such a hated word by many.  I will refer to it as activity.

I joined a gym.  Not a fancy pants gym with lockers, a juice bar, and group classes.  No.  That's not for me at this time.  Anytime Fitness is where I hope to spend an hour of my day hopefully 3-4 days a week.  I met with a trainer who taught me a few new exercises and gave me some tips.  I can't afford to meet with him on a regular basis right now, so I will be on my own, using his tips from our first meeting.  The main thing that I got out of my hour with him, besides an ass-kicking tough workout with awful fucking pain that lasted for 2 days, was that I need to spend more time on weights than on cardio.  PRAISE JESUS.  I despise cardio with a passion.  So the plan is to do 30-40 minutes of weight training, focusing on different body parts each time, and then do 20-30 minutes of cardio after - dreadmill treadmill or elliptical.

Healthy eating.
Barf.  I just want to eat cereal, peanut M&Ms, and Reese Cups.

So I am gluten free - a choice I made to support my son with Celiac disease.  I also do not like most any meat.  I can force myself to eat chicken from time to time and ham, as long as it is super-processed lunch meat ham.  I also hate eggs.  So protein is tough for me and is a work in process as I try to expand my protein intake.

I love most fresh fruit and a lot of veggies, so replacing my sweets with these choices is a goal of mine. 

I already drink a TON of water, but recently I have been grabbing diet soda instead.  That should be an easy fix.  Water is not terrible.

My support comes from friends.  There are so many great success stories that my friends provide showing me that this is possible.  And, I am a part of a group with a wealth of knowledge about anything and everything healthy, fit, and fabulous.  Love these girls.  I will share their stories with you, as well.  Their inspiration is amazing and should be shared!!  Check out my friend's blog, Sprinkles Don't Have Calories here.
She's hilarious and awesome in every way!

So, there you have it.  The "plan".  I hope it works this time.  I hope I stick to it this time.  Wish me luck, lovelies!

How I Got Here

Here I am.  A 30-year-old, 250 pound working mom of two boys under five.  I've decided that 2016 is my year.  I know I say that every year, but this year has to be it.  Never before have I had such the desire, need, or support that I have right now.  I have to make this work. 

The goal?  To finally fucking do this. To finally lose the weight.  I dream of the 100 club.

Why do I want to lose weight, you ask?  So many reasons.  I could tell you the reasons are because I want to be healthier, to be a better roll model for my kids, because I want to avoid the side effects of obesity, blah, blah, blah...  

The real reasons:
1.  I want to shop in regular stores.
2.  I want to be comfortable in my own skin.
3.  I want to feel pretty for once.
4.  I want to stop judging myself so much.
5.  I want my weight to stop being on my mind 90% of my day.
6.  I want to be the hot mom when my kids are older.... ha!

Here's the back story.

Since I was old enough to open the fridge on my own, I've been over weight.  My weight just kept going up and up and up throughout school.  I knew it.  My mom knew it.  She did what she could to help.  I was a Weight Watchers regular in 4th grade.  Hated every minute of it.  I grew up hearing my doctor telling me I needed to lose weight every time I went in.  I spent every lunch period in middle and high school thinking everyone was watching me to see what I was going to put on my tray, thinking, "What could a girl that fat possibly eat?".  I never got to shop with my friends.  Of course, we went to the mall together.  I got to hold the purses while they tried on the cute clothes in the teen stores.  Then, just because my friends loved me for who I was, they would walk around Layne Bryant with me pointing out things that were "cute".  Not once did I believe them.  I was active, playing volleyball and basketball, but could never get a handle on that number on the scale.  By my senior year, I was up to 280 pounds on a 5'7" frame.  I hated myself.  I feared that no one would ever love me in that body.  I doubted my future and was determined to make a change.  My mom and I decided to try Atkins.  For some reason, it worked.  I ate under 20 grams of carbs everyday for 2 years.  I lost 70 pounds from January of 2004 and January of 2006.  As I slowly started to add carbs back into my life, I maintained the weight around 210 for several years.  I got married, and a month later was pregnant with my first son.  After he was born, I fought the battle again, this time with low calories and frequent walks for exercise.  The same day I finally hit 210 again, I found I was expecting number 2!  The weight came off faster after the second pregnancy, and I got down to 207!  My lowest weight ever!  Since then, I have been fluctuating between 210 and 220.  Then, in August of 2015, I got a new job - a more sedentary job.  I was eating foods I knew I shouldn't, I put my scale away, but I was happy.  Until I weighed myself.  Two hundred fucking forty-five pounds.  I was devastated.  I knew it all along - my clothes didn't fit any more, and I was uncomfortable.  And after the holidays I am too afraid to step on the scale.  So, we will just call the starting point 250.

I'm so done with the 200s and the big fat W that appears on my pants tag...16W, 18W.  Can't a girl just get a number?! 

I don't know exactly what I will be writing about, but I want to journal my journey, and plan to as frequently as I can.

In a perfect world, I would run a 5K.  RUN a 5K.  Right now I can't run to the mailbox.  I've done plenty of 5Ks, I've just walked them all.  I don't believe I will ever be a runner.  And I doubt myself a lot.

I think that's the main problem.  I don't believe in myself.

So, here we go.  Send words of encouragement, success stories, anything to keep me on track!  I will definitely need it.  Before pictures will be posted soon...beware!!!